Awkward Moments

Awkward…

The spelling of the word is odd enough to make you feel the emotion attached. I hate “Awkward” moments… They can make and break a situation depending on your approach in it. I had one not to long ago… I wasn’t sure weather to speak or stay to myself… So I so comfortably remained in my own comfort zone and kept to myself. Im am finding out now that maybe my idea of saving myself in the situation may have made the situation a little bigger then it was. BUT when in life are you taught to combat awkward moments? they definitely don’t teach you in school and your parents probably haven’t mastered the art of overcoming these insignificant yet life changing moments. I am starting to wonder if these moments are put in our lives sort of like a road block.. or and earthquake, reminding you that everything in life isn’t as smooth as we’d like to think at times… I am not sure but if someone knows about these little moments and how to make them go away… I’d love and answer.

-Lynne

What’s Missing?

So I know that I haven’t been on here for a while… however life put my blogging on hold.

It seems like one has to have it all at some point in their life, or maybe that is just what we are all looking to acheive. It would seem like I’m on my way to fitting that mold, however its becoming very clear to me that when one thing comes another thing goes. I recently started a new job, or career for that matter. I have a salary, no rent to pay, and can basically do what I want with my money, Travel, Eat, or just put it in random places around my room (and yes I seriously do this). Yet I am starting to realize that something is missing and its not something clearly defined. Relationships have been a big part of my life… I was in one for almost 10 years and I am only 23. I know the feeling of being in one, and I know the feeling of not. I am starting to hear and somewhat feel the cry’s of my friends who long for that certain someone to be

by there side at any given moment. Now I am not saying that I don’t have that in my life, but I’m not sure if just being someone’s girl is enough for me, but I am not sure that if the situation presents itself that I would be ready to accept it. It all just seems like once you have all the puzzle pieces in order and you almost have finished, there are one or two pieces that are missing. Sometimes I just wonder if I or we for that matter are meant to navigate this world alone, but take suitor pit stops to satisfy our inherent need for the opposite sex’s presence…

More and more I am beginning to think this may be the harsh reality.

-Lynne

Why waste Free time.

So Ive been thinking about all the things I love to do. These are things that I can professionally enterprise from and things that I just do in my spare time. I think my calling is to honestly be someones personal assistant, however I can’t commit myself to one person… call me a cheater, but my attention span is too short to really see the same thing everyday. I did this compilation of important personal information for one of my friends, basically organizing all of her financial records, bills etc and setting everything up so all she had to do was monitor everything by logging on to the sites. I’m really good at that type of thing. Maybe I should offer that type of service in general to the public and see where that gets me, It’s not like I don’t have free time on my hands.

“you never know your calling, until you answer the call”

-Lynne

Jobless Chronicles

As of Today I have been living back in Chicago for one and a half months. Honestly to this point I don’t know how I have remained sane. After sending out about 50 resume and cover letters out, having one interview for a job that had already been filled and not being able to work one position because somehow I am not a Chicago Resident, I am completely tired. More so I think I have become discouraged. Not only do I feel like people around me are in jobs complaining yet I could do their jobs with my eyes closed, but I also feel like all of the jobs that are “advertised” are not actual positions. As I think about it more and more, I just don’t understand why post a position if you aren’t looking for a candidate to fill it in the near future. Either way I guess I just one more “rat” in the race. I hope my Jobless Chronicles don’t have time to continue much further, because i’m not sure how much longer my sanity will allow.

“Hard Work Pays Minimum Wage”

-Lynne

 

Home Is Where The Heart Is…

They say home is where the heart is.. or at least where it is supposed to be, however I recently moved home and I feel like my heart is completely somewhere else. I don’t know if I lost my passion for the city I live in, or if it is just that I gained a love for somewhere else.. or possibly someone else. Its Kind of difficult for me to figure out exactly what is bothering me because there are so many things going on that I can’t separate one thing from another I just know my heart doesn’t feel right and it hasn’t for the past three days. Home may be where most hearts are.. or maybe it is a matter of where you consider your home to be. Either way, my heart isn’t in my home, and I think I may have just left it in the home of another…

-Lynne

(image via: AllSpacePics)

The Reflection

For so long I have heard the phrases “be yourself and no body else” and “I’m real” yet the more I get to know people the further they are from what they say. I have come to understand it’s not the things that people say they are that make them who they are. We all have a problem with vocalizing who we appear to be to ourselves, and not letting the people around us form their own opinions of us. Yet so many of us are further from knowing who we truly are then who we define ourselves to be. As a whole our actions do speak louder then our words. I can’t be the only one plagued by people who are further from the person they describe themselves to be. It almost saddens me because we end up with a world full of people that know nothing more then to be a mixture of the reflection they see everyday and an imitation of another person. I know who I want to be and how I want to be remembered, however, that is not the person I am today.  It’s crazy, we look in the mirror everyday, and see something so familiar, yet so foreign. I claim to know who I am. Just a as any other level headed human being, however when studying my own reflection, I find that I don’t know myself at all..

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-Lynne

Faithfully Wrong.

“Men are only as faithful as their known options…”

This quote is astonishingly true for African American males in the 20’s age range. I can’t offer any concrete data on this subject other then experiencing this problem myself. These days guys tend to talk about women in terms of a basketball team/game, which is problem number one. If they already are speaking of women as a team sport, then why would they only have a star player aka a point guard? I was once told that I was a point guard (in terms of a mans basketball team of women), yet I was also told that men need other key players on their team because the point guard can get injured or tired, and may need a break from the game. Which brings me to point number two. If a guy lets you know from the start that this is a team activity, A.) you may be down to play or B.) you may not, however the great thing here is having a choice or option to turn down the offer. The problem that most women have is that they aren’t given the option in knowing how things are going to be, and once they find out they flip. Speaking from a woman’s viewpoint, it’s quite heartbreaking to find out that the person you have put you all into to become the one (aka Point Guard) has been doing just enough to keep you around as he juggles his other women around to keep them just happy enough not to leave. As a basic as it may be, in the end, most women just want to be loved and appreciated. This all brings me to my last point, if and when men find out they aren’t the only one, they want to act like the woman committed some age old crime that must be punishable by belittlement and abandonment, yet in reversed roles the woman should be ready to either submit herself to the situation at hand at that moment, sometime in the future or be left (which happens in more cases then none), and the reality of the double standard lives on. My ending thoughts on this issue are be truthful in whatever the situation you are in, leaving certain things out is only acceptable when you aren’t leading on a relationship, however if you are let the other person have a choice in whether they want a part in that situation or not.

“Papa can be a rolling stone if he is truthful in his actions…”

-Lynne

The Lies we Learn.

I am beginning to notice that as people grow into adulthood, they don’t speak their mind as openly as they did when they were younger.  Now, the problem is that when we are young we are trained to the rule that there are certain things we say and don’t say, because “words can hurt people”. However, In all honesty it isn’t the truth that hurts people… the truth just makes people aware of their reality. What hurts people is Lies. This is why children should be taught not to tell lies when they are young, and not worry about the whole “hurting peoples feelings” end of the bargain until they are old enough to comprehend that rule to the law. Either way, I am just a fan of the truth no matter the consequence, at the end of the day, people know that they can trust you and trust goes a long way in the real world. All in all I think we need to reprogram ourselves from what we were taught was kindness and begin to understand the difference in lying to protect ourselves.

…Just a thought.

-Lynne

Reality Check…

I have been searching for the perfect (my dream) job, and I am slowly realizing that nothing comes to you in life with out a little bit of work. It is true in all walks of life. I realized that the people who have their dream jobs, did their time, whether it be when they were in school or post grad, nothing came with out a little hard work. And so as tomorrow marks August 1st this is the beginning of the end of summer. Reality is starting to come back to me along with the fact that September will mark the 1st month of the next 30 years or my work life. It’s scary to think that you are supposed to work for 30 years and whether you like your job or not you are to attend it because “that’s what we’re supposed to do.” Either way I will let my optimism overshadow my apprehension because I am sure as I continue my search for the perfect (my dream) job eventually, we will cross each others paths.

As for now… I will continue to search.

-Lynne

Multi-talented

I’m multi-talented with no drive. I am starting to think that this may be the reason for the toxic atmosphere of our generation. There are so many things that we can do just naturally however our creativity is sidetracked by the “necessary” years of education. I am not sure how valuable my degree will be to me in the future however, I know that the talents that I have will be what makes me a productive citizen. I hope more people can take their talents and do something with them, because doing what you love is a lot less stressful then surviving through what you hate.

-Lynne